if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
