ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
