If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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