Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
