You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
