This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
