I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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