walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize