We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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