There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
