trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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