Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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