Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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