it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
