your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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