he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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