can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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