I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
