I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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