did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
