"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
