You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
