giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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