nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
