He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My ass is underappreciated
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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