I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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