considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
