This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
