You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's get the cat blown out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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