somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
