Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
