My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
