maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
