Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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