Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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