Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize