I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
