I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need water and some morals
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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