i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
