she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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