My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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