YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
