oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
