the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
