She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
