two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
