I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
