i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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