I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
