you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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