I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
