Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
