Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
