Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
sex in a hospital.. check
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
