I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
