Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
