Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
