got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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