I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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