I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
