I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
