It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
