I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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