Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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