Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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