He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
