No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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