I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My dick has a subreddit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
