the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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