Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
