highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
