Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
