Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
