Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
