He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
