peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
