she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
