Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
