I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
