all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
