he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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